When God Takes a Vacation (A Play in One Act)
Players: God, St. Peter, St. Michael, St. Raphael, and St. Gabriel
Scene: The year, 2005. God is sitting on His throne; He has just retuned from a short (50 year) vacation in the far reaches of the galaxy, and had asked not to be disturbed. St. Peter is sitting at a desk, working on some records, and bringing God up to date on what’s happened since He’s been gone. St. Raphael rushes in:
St. Raphael: God, trouble is brewing on earth! A terrible disease is appearing among mankind; it is fatal and can be transmitted by touch or by breathing airborne germs.
God: Not to worry. I knew this was coming, so I prepared for it. A Chinese scientist, Mei En Laou, will find the cure for it.
St. Peter: Uh, God, Mei En Laou was aborted because Chinese policy only allows one child per family, and she would have been child number two.
God: There’s always Plan B. Maria Scarpino, an Italian epidemiologist can do the job just as well.
St. Peter: Maria Scarpino was aborted because her mother already had three children and felt she couldn’t take care of another one.
God: Well, there’s a young girl from Kosovo, Feorgianna Guroescui; it will take her a little longer than it would have taken Laou or Maria, but she’ll do a good job.
St. Peter: Uh, God, when the U.N. went into Kosovo they found that her mother, Iolena, was four months pregnant with her, since she was only 12 and had been raped by one of the retreating soldiers, they told her parents that it would be too traumatic for her to carry the baby to term; they said she might die in childbirth because she was so young.
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