“I’d Rather Be Roasting Heretics”
At the NOR Gear Shoppe there are T-shirts, tote bags, sweatshirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, beer steins, BBQ aprons, baby bibs, and more with the slogan “I’d Rather Be Roasting Heretics” (accompanied by an illustration of a husband at the BBQ grill and his perky wife holding a salad). We’ve gotten two complaints about the slogan.
Hey, don’t take it literally. It’s a joke. What it means — with our characteristic hyperbole — is that we’d love to see the heretics and dissenters run out of town — that is, out of the Church.
Of all the slogans (“Turbo Catholicism,” “Get in Fighting Trim!,” “Enraging Liberal Catholics Since 1977,” etc.), by far the most popular is “I’d Rather Be Roasting Heretics.” We’ve even been asked to make bumper strips, and we’ve complied.
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For every “religious war” there have been 13 others, which, according to the Encyclopedia of Wars, could have been avoided had there been more religion.
Kneeling had always meant self-abnegation. To kneel in church was to blend in utterly, to be one more duck in a pond of ducks. Now I felt as if I were showing off.
I went to Catholic schools, was taught by nuns and brothers, and even had some Jesuit training. I’m so chic I can hardly stand it. But please don’t tell anyone I am still a Catholic. It could ruin me.